Asking for Help: My Six Commandments

I have always been terrible about asking for help – even when I need it the most. But, I am getting better. 

Why? I guess I used to think asking for help was perceived as a sign of weakness or ignorance, implying that I couldn’t get my work done on my own or that I couldn’t get it together in my personal life. I also think I am a bit of a perfectionist, a control freak, (yes, me) and that I can do IT ALL – better, in less time, the way I want it, etc. It just has always seemed easier to to do it myself. But what I really needed was to get over myself!

As a solo, independent and self-sustaining freelancer, I sort of like the feeling of autonomy and not having to rely on anyone. But after seven years of running my own business, I have realized that this really can't be a sustainable model. Asking for help can only… help!

I did a little research about my resistance and come to find out I am not alone! Self-reliance is one of the 10 core values that have been documented in national surveys, and while it’s an admirable trait, it’s also self-limiting. In today’s organizations, you can’t be successful if you don’t ask for what you need.

And there is something else that I have learned in my quest: successful people ask for help. Call it what you will—building a team, outsourcing, collaborating, delegating, etc.—it all amounts to asking for help. 

Many of us are hardwired NOT to ask for help. We think it makes us appear weak. We think we have to be superwomen.

After thinking about this concept and reading about help, I outlined a list of six commandments.

1. It is OK not to be perfect
2. When you help others, other people want to help you back
3. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
4. You can actually get more done with other people 
5. You don’t get extra credit for doing anything alone
6. Successful people ask for help

I recently worked on this short-term project for a client that required some incredible, neck-breaking turn around times. The deliverable were things like “turn around 72 pages of web content in three weeks.” Or write eight technical overviews in two weeks and get layout, design and content all approved, and finalized.

For those of you in my business, you know that these are practically impossible deadlines—especially if you are doing them by yourself. So, I asked for help. I reached out to a brilliant designer, and she was thrilled to work with me and take on the task; an amazing writer, who can make sense of the craziest topics and her writing is simple prose, easy to understand and professional all around; and a long-time friend and former colleague whom I hadn’t spoke to for ages, but I knew he had the panache to pull off this project.

We came together as a team and started cranking stuff out—together. It was all about getting the right people for the job and building the right team! It was wonderful. I would have missed out on this experience if I hadn’t asked for the help.

I am just starting to apply this to my work life. I know I have a long way to go and need to apply this to my personal life too. 

I am getting there -- and I am learning that I do not have to do everything alone. I am applying what I have learned and my six commandments. Because that is what smart and successful people do. Right?