Let Go of 2014 and Embrace 2015

Took me a few days to process and to assess the year… but 2014 was a year of letting go gracefully. (As Liam would say, "letting go of the grass," as Elsa would repeatedly sing “Let it go”) and, really, just rising up to see where I actually end up!

Letting go of so many things that were in my comfort zone, or that I had been holding on to for reasons that I had to address, was a huge theme last year.

There were the physical things that I let go of… like our apartment  --333 East 92^nd Street.  Selling the coop was a big let go! We had bought that place thinking we could raise a family there. Owen was born there, and it was there that Liam became a big brother. We renovated and put our fingerprints all over the little abode. But instead, it ended up being a place where negative energy thrived. It had to go… we had to let go… and finally we got the chance. It sold on Aug. 28.

We let go of the little daycare/preschool—Pre-school of America that supported our family for so long. We had been in that school since the boys were young and I made the decision to pull Owen out and put him into a new UPK school across the street from our house that was free. Many would think that was an easy decision, but to stray from the school we knew and were comfortable with, was a big move for all of us.

My four-year old let go of his pacifier… and I had to accept that too. He let go of the stroller and being called "my baby boy."

We also bought a new car, letting go of our old one! We let go of old traditions, staying in NYC for Christmas Eve and making our own memories.

We let go of old friends who were toxic, and made room for new ones. I let go of the idea that not everyone has to like me, or that I have to like them. (I am still trying to let go of that critical voice though!) 

We let go of Paul’s job at Automotive High School, where he had been teaching for nearly 15 years. We are now letting go to his career in teaching and possibly the end to our carefree summers in NH. (Let's hope not!) We let go of a dream to move to NH permenantly and rent a house on the NH seacoast—giving our boys a place to grow, more room to move and a yard to run.

I let go of clients who didn’t provide me with the stimulation or the support that I needed as an entrepreneur.

I moved on from feelings of negativity from family members who hurt me – intentionally and unintentionally.  That was hard, because there is a lot of love behind the hurt. But it brought about good change, and clarity of our relationships.

I let go of the dream to be a mom again at 43, and to grow another life -- probably the most painful of all this year. The baby that will never be, the soul that will never reach me in this lifetime, that tries to keep coming and being taken away for reasons I will never understand. This was the saddest “letting go” of the year. I had surgery to officially say goodbye to this baby who had lived for three months, and I hope someday I will understand why.

I let go of things like furniture, baby toys, a baby crib, baby clothes, random things in storage.  I let go of trying to be in control of everything. I let go of things that are other people’s issues.  I let go of holding on to guilt about my finances, not having a will or a 529 plan or having life insurance… and I went out and got them.

I let go of possibly never being a size 2 again, and that having two kids has made me a size 6… and that is OK.  I have let go of not being able to run every day, or go to the gym, and that being with my children is equally rewarding. I let go of being in other people’s drama, including those that I love and live with.

Maybe it was the year, maybe it was the Frozen theme song of 2014. But 2014 was certainly the year of letting go in so many ways. I hope 2015 will be a year of embracing. Because I feel like I have purged quite a bit already—and wonder what else there really is to let go.