Busy is a State of Mind

Image by e-designer.deviantart.com 

How often have you thought that there are not enough hours in the day? What if we had another hour and there were 25 hours in a day; would you fill it with work, family commitments, going to the gym?  I have no idea what I would do with my 25^th hour of the day -- probably more the same that I am doing in 24 hours.

We have a new normal we are all trying to embrace: the feeling of suffering from time poverty or being time starved. I recently read an article that talks about how one in five Americans reported feeling "extreme" stress in 2012; in fact, time poverty is now a recognized psychological and social stressor.

We're all in a hurry all the time, or so it seems. We even walk 10 percent faster than just a decade ago. Is being busy, walking faster, and cramming it all into 24 hours taking you from where you are to where you want to go? Does it produce happiness at the end of each day?

Several years ago, I had told my uncle, who was suffering in the early stages of ALS, (Lou Gherig's Disease) that we would stop by his house on our way up to NH. He lived in Massachusetts and we would be driving right by his exit. We got a late start and ran into traffic and so I called him and said that we were going to be late for our arrival in NH. Our four-hour drive had turned into a six-hour stretch. However, truth is that even though we tacked on two extra hours on to our trip -- we were in a hurry to get there. (Albeit to see family and a good reason, but still). We made a plan that we would come back up in two weeks during the long Martin Luther King Jr. weekend.

As my uncle was in the early stages of ALS, we figured we had time to see him. That was the week of Christmas 2007. We drove back to New York City after the holiday, and made plans to do the drive back up to Massachusetts so we could spend some “quality” time together. I ended up making the trip back up north a week later…he died in his sleep on New Year’s Eve. I never saw him again.

It was a life lesson. How time starved or "busy" was I on that day that we could not have stopped by his house to see him for 20 minutes. Would that short visit have made a difference to our NH arrival? My impression was that we were starving for time, but I was wrong.

Sometimes I actually need to slow down in order to go faster, think clearer and drive my own happiness.

I have eliminated the words “I am busy.”  I have made the time to fit what is important into my life.  I want to see an old friend for coffee; attend my son’s play at school; visit with a former colleague for lunch; see family for milestone events four hours away.  It is up to us (to me) to prioritize what is important. A lot of time, we seem to lose track of that. We need to reclassify what “busy” means, versus what is truly cherished time with the people we love.

Busy is a state of mind. 

The Gift of Words: Happy Mother's Day

With Liam at the park, 2006

There is no better gift for a writer -- someone who thinks and communicates using the written word-- than a written piece of art: a poem.  This week, Paul presented me with a piece of work that was written by a local poet, Malik Canty. 

http://aalbc.com/authors/malik.htm

Beautifully framed and words that speak to motherhood that so touched my heart and my core. I am grateful. I wanted to share it with you, because it meant so much to me.  I don't need jewelry, a facial, a designer purse or other material things (although those things kick ass and I would not ever be disappointed with them!) But, like many of you, the hand drawn card made with love with the words "I love you," or a poem commissioned by a blooming poet somehow (to me) mean so, so much more.

A million years ago one Mother's Day, when I was in 8th grade, my dad helped me work on my science project about the heart. It was a replica of a heart made from wood that showed all the ventricles and the ins and outs of the blood flow. He wrote my mom a card that day that I never forgot (and I am sure she never did either because my mom spent that Mother's Day in the living room while my dad helped me!). 

"Although today as I work on a wooden heart, I want you to know that you are indeed the heart of our family and my heart." I am paraphrasing because I don't remember the exact words he used, but I remember it was a beautiful, touching play on words.

I know so many unconditional, patient, loving, non-judgemental, supportive, wonderful mothers out there—including my own— and although all the stanzas might not apply to each one of you, there is a least one, that you might resonate with as you read it. Happy Mother’s Day!

With Owen, 2010

Mother’s Day, By Malik Canty

This poem is a dedication to Erin and all those women who also have the beloved title of Mother

How do you say thank you to an inspiration?

Words like strength, compassion, caring, sacrificing for the sake of children or family are given life by her actions in making sure that everyone under her watchful eyes be introduced to unconditional love

A love so strong that a promising career is put on hold or never launched because of her willing spirit to fight for the protection of those who she loves and those who she gave birth to

When you think of the title Mother, images of cooking, cleaning, sewing, always knowing what is needed for the family, only represent a small sample of what she has done or what she will do to keep her family afloat

Bow to her, acknowledge her for the strength that she often provides for her household or the lost souls who come under her care and guidance

Bow to her, she is a life bringer, she is a compassionate pool who sometimes gets abused by those who forget or don’t care that she is the first teacher in their life

The first one who fed them, put clothes on them protected them, even when she was hurting from lack of support, or non-support, she would not yield, she would not let them see her weep openly or silently

To every woman who has mothered someone, whether you gave birth or just stopped people from hurting, these words were written for you because your kind is one of a kind

Happy Mother’s Day, and may God always keep his lights on you, always bring you relief when the trials get to deep

You should be honored

You should always be giving acclaims because without you, life would not be the same

The world could not grow and unconditional love we would never know.